||[May. 2nd, 2006|11:04 am]
I need help.
My absentmindedness is out of control.
I am no longer surprised when I find myself wearing socks that don't match, or forgetting to zip up my pants or my backpack, or sending an email saying "Hi, here's my report" with no file attached. But today I outdid myself — I accidentally shaved off my goatee.
How the hell does one accidentally shave off their goatee, you might ask. A most reasonable question. Well, I forgot to insert the length attachment into my trimmer (I mean, it's like the ONLY attachment there is) and the default length is zero. I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late.
With my goatee I've lost my sense of identity. When I look in the mirror, I ask ponderous questions: "Who art thou? What be thine purpose in life? And what the fuck are you doing looking into a mirror instead of working, you dumbass?"
At least I have my long hair. Without it I would be empty, devoid of soul, an automaton, an animal roaming the streets, a Lagashian at Nightfall.